It`s not an easy game to play...

I`m having nightmares again. It`s funny when you want to pull your fingers out and you can`t do it. Life is bitter, even when I`m dreaming. The minutes are 98 seconds each and the seconds are a year long. What`s going through your mind that makes you want to leave the life your living as a bubble caught up in the deep blue waves like the colour of your hair rays with split ends. You really have to treat it some time... Your eyes go smaller than the freckles around your upper lip that crashes the sound trying to come out of the hole beneath it. It goes round and round with tears to pound the arteries not the heart `cause it`s too tired to shake the muscles. I can`t breathe, since the sound of the exhale disturbs me. I need my peace. How many blankets did you throw away last night? You said it was gonna be warm but it wasn`t...it never is. I got my fingers stuck on your icy figure, will you please move away so that they fall off. I tried so hard last night when I went to grandpa`s house in my dream and grandma was just a solid object lying beside him. He never moved her after she died. I tried to scratch the walls, the steps the mirror but I couldn`t find my fingers. It was so dark. Mom says you can never find anything. It`s always right there in front of your eyes, in the top drawer...But I found one thing mom. My very own loneliness in the dark and I enjoyed the shadows passing by every once in a while but none of them stayed for a cup of tea. They had to catch the flight and it was late. Next time, I`m gonna catch it too through the window that opens out just enough to fit the slide of the shadows that want to escape. Next time I will fit too, `cause I found my shadow...in the top drawer...